You say I'm dirty minded - but how did you understand what I meant? ;)

Why is Angelina on the Jersey Shore? No one likes her.

Nah, nothing's wrong. LOL JK, I wanna hit you in the face with a f**king shovel.

*LOG OUT*.......bored......*SIGN IN*

Dear Microwave, why is my plate so hot, yet my food so cold?

A friend will bail you out of jail a best friend will be right next to you saying "WHY DIDN'T YOU RUN FASTER!

I accidentally typed ;) instead of :) and now it's awkward.

Por los q tienen sueño y no se duermen x estar hablando cn alguien especial

I said to my girlfriend, ''Do you want to see me pull a really ugly face?'' She laughed and said, ''Go on then''. So I grabbed hers.

When I'm bored, nobody texts me, but when I'm busy, my phone blows up

*Sitting on the beach with an icecream in my hand, and..* Mom: Honey, It's time for school! Me: Damn it.

(Riding a bike ) hey mom i can see you *WHACK* Mom: And i saw that branch

In a awkward situation i just pretend to text..

'LOL' has turned into 'I Have Nothing Else To Say But I Still Want To Talk To You' ♥

One day, my girlfriend sent me a txt. "Let's break up." I didn't even have time to be sad, she sent me another txt. "Sorry, wrong person." Now I am completely heartbroken...

Who says nothing is impossible. I've been doing nothing for years!

Who lives in a pineapple under the sea...(change channel) d-d-d-d-dora (change channel) Heeeeey its Fraaaanklin. That's what you get for waking up early!!!!

"1 out of every 3 smokers die." Apparently the other 2 become immortal

I wonder how police on bikes arrest people. "Alright, get in the basket"

They think the worlds gonna end in 2012, but they can barely predict the weather for tomorrow